Condoms don't guarantee safe Sex

SEX

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
Trojan Condom Pleasure Pack Lubricated, 36 Count

 

Poor Lance Armstrong

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France Races, while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike!!!!!

 

Drive By

A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn't take my TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick S O B!!

 

SCAM

Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes". Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed.

 

Best Regards

Pregnant Prostitute doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?" "For crying out loud, if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?"

 

EASYJET
Paddy calls United to book a flight. The operator asks, "How many people are flying with you?" Paddy replies "I Don't know! It's your bloody plane."

 

Instead of "the John"

I call my bathroom "the Jim". That way it sounds better when I say "I go to the Jim first thing every Morning.