President Trump pledges $10,000,000 to support Earth Day Project

Saturday we will celebrate the 47 annual Earth Day.  Over the years the sponsors have initiated numerous projects to return Mother Earth to her pristine state.  This year, however the organizers have outdone themselves.  They have determined the only way to stop the pollution of the planet is one person at a time.  Therefore they have asked all true believers to make the ultimate sacrifice and KILL THEMSELVES in order to reduce the amount of CO2 gases emitted into the atmosphere.  Accordingly the Board of Directors for Earth Day are installing a massive slab of Brazilian Granite on the grounds of the United Nations in NYC.  A slab on which the names of all, who put Mother Earth above Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness will be inscribed.  However, it should be noted that those over the age of 65 will not qualify for this honor, as their emissions of bodily gases is limited due to their advancing years.  But should anyone over the maximum age choose to take that final leap of faith, their names will be recorded in a large book to be donated to the Library of Congress in Washington.  At this time, I would be remiss if I failed to mention that the younger those participating in this grand project are---the higher their names will appear on granite marker.  The Board of Directors in hoping that many millennial's with take advantage of this once in a lifetime offer.
President Trump has just announced that in order to get the ball rolling he is pledging a $1,000 donation for each of the first 10,000 millennial's that take that final plunge.  That would come to some $10 million dollars.  Making him the biggest contributor to date for the Earth Day Foundation.