Female Jihadist Seize Saudi Embassy, Threaten to Kill Male Hostages

BEIRUT – Lesbian terrorists are vowing to execute 34 male diplomats if Saudi Arabia does not grant women and LGBT citizens equal rights, after storming the kingdom’s embassy in the Lebanese capital this morning. 

Posing as a class of political science college students, dozens of female militants – who smuggled plastic guns in their orifices – seized the compound at 10:15 AM local time. After releasing all women, effeminate men and local cleaning staff, the so-called ‘Al-Kus Brigades’ (Pussy Brigades) swapped the Saudi flag in the embassy courtyard with a pink variant that features a double-headed dildo in place of the usual white sword. 

 

The group then presented four key demands of Saudi authorities: 

1. Free all Saudis jailed for same-sex relations, extra-marital sex and ‘immodesty’ 

2. Grant Saudi women full equality, including the right to drive and wear bikinis 

3. Legalize gay marriage, adoption and surrogacy, as well as sex reassignment therapy for trans Saudis 

4. Change the Arabic name for Thursday (Yawm Al-Khamiis) to Yawm Al-Kus (Pussy Day)
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