TOTUS: News, Satire, and Commentary. Updated Daily

Trump has asked the Pentagon to plan a 

grand parade of the U.S. armed forces

However we all know the reaction of the Democrats to Trump's plan to honor the men and women of the U.S. Military. They will call it a waste of money and compare it with military parades in Russia, China and North Korea. They will look for any reason to challenge Trump on this issue. After all, their forerunners were the college students and activist that spat on and cussed troops returning from the Vietnam War in the 1960's calling our young warriors "baby killers". Of course, times have changed and now this same crowd is forced to bite their tongues rather than express their true feelings toward Americans in uniform. Let's cheer the troops, rockets, and tanks as they parade down Pennsylvania Ave while stealth bombers and fighters overfly this grand parade as our brave troops march to John Philip Sousa's Stars and Stripes Forever. 
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White South African Farmers face Genocide while the Black Majority Government in Pretoria gives Tacit Support to it's Henchmen

Genocide in South Africa is becoming a fact of life with the white farmers in the Transvaal bearing the brunt of the attacks on what is seem by liberals as the most evil human to ever walk the face of the earth---THE WHITE MAN.  The successful removal of the white man from Zimbabwe to the North is almost complete.  Turning that once bread basket of Southern Africa into what many would call a vast wasteland with most of the people there facing starvation and becoming dependent on foreign aid coming from the developed world.  One would think their brothers to the south would learn from this.  But their hate for the white man has overridden whatever logic can be found in their  aboriginal minds.  But then one must give them credit in their effort to cover up the atrocities committed against unarmed white farmers---men, women and children.  While they are little-reported even within South Africa itself — the government directed police to stop releasing information about victims’ ethnicity in 2007 — one recent murder which made headlines was that of 64-year-old former pharmaceutical executive Sue Howarth, who was a British national.  
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Just Leaked 'Democrat Rebuttal Memo'

We have just obtained a secret leaked copy of the Democrats rebuttal memo drafted to reveal the lies put forth in the purely fictional Republican memo on the FBI and the FISA Court.

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President Trump invites members of the Elite Media 

to a Formal Dinner

In a bold move to quell the increasingly negative reports coming from those in the hate-Trump press. The President has invited members of the elite media to a formal (tuxedo only) dinner at an undisclosed location.
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Vladimir Putin uses trained birds of prey to take down drones sent by spies or ISIS and guard his Kremlin HQ

RUSSIAN strongman leader Vladimir Putin has specially trained birds of prey guarding his Kremlin HQ from drones, it's been revealed. The fortified seat of government in Moscow has long used birds of prey to chase away pesky crows.
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Voluptuous Blonde encounters over-sexed Bigfoot
 

On her first trip to the great American outdoors, a voluptuous city blonde goes on the deck of her remote wilderness lodge early one morning, just before her jog down the winding mountain path. For some inexplicable reason the young lady, decides to expose her bodacious ta ta's to the forest creatures below. 
Unbeknown to the titty flashing blonde, hidden eyes are watching from the forest floor. Hidden eyes, that focused squarely on the sensuous body of the young ripe blonde above.  
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In a Daring Midnight raid on the Dumpsters outside 

Trump Tower reporters from the NYT dug up evidence 

Donald Jr. colluded with Russia

In a late night dumpster dive by reporters from the New York Times and CNN, 7 empty cases of Belver Bears Vodka valued at some $7,240 per bottle and 5 cases of Petrossian Royal Ossetra Caviar valued at $3,036 per can were found outside the residence of Donald Junior at Trump Tower. If is further being reported that the eldest son of President Trump had secret copies of what is soon to be, the banned film Doctor Zhivago, in a hidden vault at his Penthouse.

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P.C. Bullies Claim Chief Wahoo’s Scalp

Another little piece of our culture is gone, erased because no one had the guts to stand up to progressive bullies. Based on the absurd claim that naming teams after Indians is somehow offensive, the militant liberals who run MLB have coerced Cleveland into dropping its beloved mascot Chief Wahoo.

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Democrats call for increased importation of Haitian Guano

Following President Trump's statement on what he referred to as 'sh*thole' countries, Democrats are doubling down and demanding an increase in the importation of Haitian Guano.  Apparently Haiti and other third world sh*tholes are flush with an abundance of floating turds.  A recent comprehensive study at S.H.I.T aka Sam Houston Institute of Technology  has confirmed this. 
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With the Firing of Deputy FBI Director Andrew McCabe, Demolition of the Deep State has begun

 

With the firing of FBI Deputy Director, Andrew McCabe the fuse has been lite that will bring down the self-serving, un-American, Trump-hating Deep State. All patriotic citizens need to sit back and enjoy the demolition of our nation's Public Enemy No. 1!

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What should President Trump expect during an interview with Robert Mueller

On Wednesday from Switzerland, President Donald Trump told reporters that he was “looking forward” to speaking with Special Counsel Robert Mueller, that he “would love to do it,” and that “I would do it under oath”
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CALIFORNIA FARMERS IN THE JOAQUIN VALLEY HAVE STRUCK A BLOW AGAINST RADICAL ENVIRONMENTAL LAWS THAT WOULD PROTECT THE TINY DELTA SMELT AT THE EXPENSE OF THEIR FARMS BY OPENING SECRET DELTA SMELT CANNERIES IN THE SIERRAS.

Apparently the farmers in central valley of California have had enough when it comes to the tiny Delta Smelt---a fish put on the endangered species list because of actions by environmental activist groups. As a result, the state of California has diverted millions of gallons of water from the farms in the Central Valley resulting in the closing of hundreds and bringing the unemployment rate to a high not seen since the days of the Great Depression.

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Palestinian Authority Launches GoFundMe after US Aid Cuts

 

The Palestinian Authority has announced it will launch a GoFundMe page, after the U.S. State Department’s $80 million aid reduction and further threats from Donald Trump to cut all aid.

PA President Mahmoud Abbas decried the cuts. “After decades of brutal and humiliating occupation, this is a slap in the face of the Palestinian nation and will be devastating to its people. Our reduced circumstances will mean my new $13 million-dollar Presidential Palace will only have only one helicopter pad and no runway for my new $50 million private jet. Unacceptable!”

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Road to World War III: 3 Iranian Missiles strike Saudi Aramco Oil Refinery near Riyadh

Day 1:   Reuters News Agency is reporting that 3 Iranian missiles have hit the massive Saudi Aramco Oil Refinery near Riyadh.   Reuters is further reporting that the Iranian "Shahab" missiles were launched from the base near Tabriz. The White House has just broken it's silence on the unfolding events in the Middle East, saying the two sides should explore all avenues for a peaceful solution! 

Day 1 + 4 hours:   A flight of some 22 Saudi F-15's flying out of Prince Sultan Air Base some 60 miles south of Riyadh has attacked the Iranian Naval Base at Bandar Abbas in the Straits of Hormuz.
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Trump's SOTU Speech on Steroids

We all know, by this time, that our 45th President is a man that speaks his mind.  We have no idea what Donald may say at his SOTU speech.  You just have to follow the below link to see what, I suspect Trump will be thinking as he looks out at those gathered in the House chambers.

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Wash Hands before Touching Exotic Robotic Pole Dancers

Finally Vegas strip clubs have solved that age old problem of customers groping the Pole Dancers.  Some Las Vegas gentleman's clubs are now featuring erotic robotic dancers.  Apparently, the only requirement is that potential male gropers wash their hands thoroughly upon entering the establishment.  
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Will Wooden Dildos replace Planet Destroying Plastic ones in California?

I'm old enough to remember the day when Paper Bags were condemned by those on the left as a 'real and present danger' to the forest of America.  At that time our astute neighbor to the south, Mexico was using those glorious plastic bags at the markets and tourist shops.  The Mexican Government was seen as the champion of the Green Movement.  

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Shocking: California Plastic Surgeons report astronomical increase among women for Botox Butt Enhancement Injections

Just recently, it was reported that a number of camels in a Saudi beauty contest were disqualified after it was discovered their beauty was enhanced by Botox Injections.  Recently I visited the Golden State, specifically the Hollywood area and was quite shocked to see the women of Sunset and Vine had unusually large butts and lips.  My cousin, who I was visiting explained this abnormality noting that for some reason the women of tinsel town felt that inflated butts and lips made them more attractive to members of the opposite sex and likewise members of the same sex for those so inclined.
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  Shocking Explanation given by FBI for losing Trump Hating Lover's Text

What a tangled web we weave when first we try to deceive!

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California Millennial's to Leave USA and Form new Nation of 'Safespaceistan'

Efforts by the residents of California to secede from the US haven’t yet received sufficient support to be realized. Consequently, a revolutionary group of Californian millennial's have decided to found their own country in unpopulated territory in Oman, near the Yemeni border.
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