How Trump and the Nazis Stole Christmas

A new article from Newsweek which is hilariously titled "HOW TRUMP AND THE NAZIS STOLE CHRISTMAS TO PROMOTE WHITE NATIONALISM" (hey, if they use all caps, we'll use all caps). 

The article, tastefully published on Christmas Eve and likely written under the influence of heavily spiked egg nog, would be impossible for us to paraphrase. No, it needs to be read to be (dis)believed: 

"Trump is promoting a version of the holidays which excludes members of other religions, and his crusade to bring back Christmas is part of a larger attempt by the President to define America as a country for white Christians alone.   Read more.....  

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United Nations Files Complaints on Prisoner Conditions in Riyadh’s Ritz-Carlton

The continued detention of high-level Saudi officials and businessmen has drawn the attention of the United Nations which announced this week that it will be filing complaints about the treatment of detainees held at the Ritz-Carlton Prison.

In particular the international humanitarian organization has been moved to action by the death of a guest/prisoner, allegedly due to electric shock torture.

They have yet to determine the exact cause of death for the inmate although documents acquired by The Mideast Beast describe conditions in the prison as being barely humane for a billionaire. Detainees are sometimes held in uncomfortable positions for up to 30 minutes waiting for their massages. In addition, meals can be withheld from the prisoners for up to an hour, since room service is not properly equipped to handle the overcrowding. In one horrifying account, a letter snuck out by one of the princes described the food as “not even being worthy of a Michelin star. Not even one!”  Read more.....

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President Trump's Enemies Exposed

Ever wonder why some of us believe Donald Trump must be doing something right?  Then just look at those aligned against him!

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Trump Signature Image

Just about says it all.  

For those who are totally unaware, 

the above is Donald Trump's signature!

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Trump Tax Plan will Kill you and End the World

The Mayans were wrong. The world didn't end in 2012, but it will end before 2018 because of a human catastrophe that not even the ancient Mayans saw coming - Donald Tr*mp. 

Tr*mp is such a bumbling amateur politician that he's actually keeping his campaign promises! Of course, this only further proves his underlying character flaws and mental instability which make him unfit to be the leader of the once free world. 

Of all the promises he's had the temerity to keep, none has been more destructive than his plan of "tax relief" for the wealthiest Americans. So much could be said, but let's focus on the two worst aspects of how tax relief is bad for the middle class, bad for America, and bad for the planet. 

First, more Americans will be allowed to keep more of what they've been conditioned by Fox "News" to perceive as their money. Never mind for now the ethical and moral issues of robbing the government, even though that's one inevitable outcome, but think of what will happen if more Americans have more access to more money. 

Americans will engage in riskier behaviors that they otherwise couldn't afford like skydiving. When Obama was president, fewer Americans could skydive which meant fewer innocent people were at risk of being crushed by a falling octogenarian celebrating his 80th birthday. But now all that's about to change. Unbiased studies indicate that over 1.3 million children are at risk every day of being struck by just such a human meteor, most of them underprivileged minorities, women, and transgendered.  Read More....

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'Barry Christmas' Obama, Here's your Lump of Coal

Thanks to Stilton's Place

Thanks to jolly old Saint Trump and his happy workshop of GOP elves, Christmas came early for people who pay taxes, people who want jobs, people who don't want to be fined if they can't afford Obamacare, people who support Israel, and people like us who are currently singing "O, Schadenfreude" to the tune of "O, Tannenbaum." 

Of course, the Democrats also gave us a significant gift: their unanimous opposition to all of the above. Meaning that when the rising economic tide lifts all boats, they'll still be holding their breath in the backseat of Teddy Kennedy's sunken car wondering when help from voters will arrive (spoiler alert: it won't).

For some of the best political humor and satire, with a conservative slant, visit Stilton's Place formerly Hope and Change Cartoons 

Racist Tamarisk Trees to be removed from California Golf Course

The California town of Palm Springs has finally decided that a long line of the invasive racist Tamarisk trees must be removed from a local golf course.  Apparently, these trees were planted back in the 1960's in order to deny a historically black community a view of the nearby scenic San Jacinto Mountains.  According to city leaders all symbols of the racist past must be removed or destroyed.  One would have thought this action by the city would have come under fire by  NATH (National Association of Tree Huggers), however as of this time they have remained silent.  While  just a few miles to the west some farmers are bracing for a potential onslaught by neo-puritanical pitchfork waiving activists on their fields.  Fields that are home to the most racist plant in North America---COTTON!!!!!

cross-posted at Trump Land   

Save 10 Minutes, but forfeit life on Bullet Train from Seattle to Portland

Three passengers were treated to a once in a lifetime experience on the inaugural run of a high speed bullet train from Seattle to Portland and excited to be saving 10 minutes on the trip.  All at an estimated cost of only $54,000,000,000!   

 WILL WE EVER LEARN???

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More Men stepping forward to accuse Perfume-wearing Women of non-verbal Sexual Assault

Hundreds of men are joining the 'Me Too' movement claiming they have been victims of aggressive, intentional, unsolicited invisible sexual assault by women polluting their perfume-free safe space zones.  This assault by perfume is always intentional, as these scents are knowingly designed to seek attention and marketed as a cis-heterosexual woman's predatory implements to provoke, lure, tempt, entice, attract, induce, seduce, coax, persuade, inveigle, allure, ensnare, cajole, beguile, and bewitch unsuspecting males.   
THANKS TO THE The People's Cube FOR THE IMAGE AND THEME OF THIS POST!

 

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Female Jihadist Seize Saudi Embassy, Threaten to Kill Male Hostages

BEIRUT – Lesbian terrorists are vowing to execute 34 male diplomats if Saudi Arabia does not grant women and LGBT citizens equal rights, after storming the kingdom’s embassy in the Lebanese capital this morning. 

Posing as a class of political science college students, dozens of female militants – who smuggled plastic guns in their orifices – seized the compound at 10:15 AM local time. After releasing all women, effeminate men and local cleaning staff, the so-called ‘Al-Kus Brigades’ (Pussy Brigades) swapped the Saudi flag in the embassy courtyard with a pink variant that features a double-headed dildo in place of the usual white sword. 

 

The group then presented four key demands of Saudi authorities: 

1. Free all Saudis jailed for same-sex relations, extra-marital sex and ‘immodesty’ 

2. Grant Saudi women full equality, including the right to drive and wear bikinis 

3. Legalize gay marriage, adoption and surrogacy, as well as sex reassignment therapy for trans Saudis 

4. Change the Arabic name for Thursday (Yawm Al-Khamiis) to Yawm Al-Kus (Pussy Day)
READ MORE..... 

Saudi Arabia reaches deal with Google to build huge Driver-less Car plant near Riyadh

Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman of Saudi Arabia has agreed to allow Google to build massive Driverless Car plant just outside Riyadh, that nations capital city.  This was done only after male chauvinist in the royal family objected to the Crown Prince's decision to give women the right to drive.  Apparently, this will render the divisive issue moot and bring peace to the warring factions within the Royal family. 

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Could Muslim Virgins get stuck with Bungling Time Square Terrorist?

Virgins across paradise are praying that Akayed Ullah, who set off a pipe bomb strapped to his chest Monday near New York City’s Times Square, survives his wounds and does not become a martyr after his attack failed to kill any infidels. 

Since Sharia law dictates that anyone who dies fighting for Islam is awarded 72 virgins, Ullah, who pledged allegiance to ISIS, will be entitled his allotment should he succumb to his wounds. Following the pathetic attack, in which his pipe-bomb suicide vest exploded prematurely and caused only minor injuries to bystanders, ISIS Caliph Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi clarified that all martyrs will receive their virgins regardless of how sad and inept they may be. 

“Listen, I’m not so happy that an idiot who can’t even hold his jihadi load long enough to kill a single Jew or Crusader is dropping our name,” Baghdadi told The Mideast Beast. “But rules are rules.” This did not sit well with the virgins interviewed by The Mideast Beast.  Read more......

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Plasma For Pay - Broke Millennials Sell Blood Just To Survive

A shocking report reveals millions of millennial's are flocking to local Blood Banks to sell their precious bodily fluid, namely Plasma.  An renown doctor at the Harvard School of medicine, who wishes to remain anonymous, claims the loss of this precious bodily more than any other single factor is responsible for the sky-rocking rise of those self-identify as progressive Democrats.  The doctor was quick to point out this abnormal brain activity is rare in rural areas of country where Plasma centers are as scarce as the proverbial hen's tooth!   

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Alabama decides: MOORE or Less

Alabama votes will go to the polls tomorrow, December 12 to vote for the next U.S. Senator from that state.  The choice is clear and simple:  either vote for a true progressive who has a proven record of support for abortion, Obamacare, and anti-2nd Amendment values; or the man who has strong conservative principals--Roy Moore!  Of course Moore has been accused of having a thing for teenage girls some 40 years ago.  But until these ancient allegations are proven he must be considered innocent---that is the American way!

Let me finish by saying, 'anyone who those in the MSM is against this site supports'.  And conversely any one they support is undoubtedly a person who does not support those values of most patriotic American values.  Namely, the 2nd Amendment, Right to Life, small government and a host of other conservative values such as, a strong military and a belief in America first.  #MAGA!!!    

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Southerner Builds Snow-Person in Mississippi

Guess what?  This good ole southern boy woke this morning to a rare and early White Christmas.  Seems that millions of snowflakes have invaded Trump Country.  Well the family and I wanted to show our traditional southern hospitality to these infrequent visitors to the Magnolia State.  So as not to offend our guest instead of building a Snowman we did the politically correct thing and make a Snow-Person.  However, just when we thought our 'labor of love' was complete, an astute observer pointed out the snow-person was all white.  Forcing one of our group to make a quick trip to the local hardware store to get a can of black spray paint.  After coloring one part of our PC snow-person black (being a polite son of the south) I will not say what section was blessed with this honor, another member of the family pointed out the long carrot nose informing all that this would offend any Muslim members of our community who happened by.  We quickly whacked off part of the offending appendage.  About this time an old-timer from down the street wondered by and as most men of his age often do came over to admire our work of art.  We explained our grand effort to build a snowman that would not trigger an adverse reaction from those viewing our master piece.  This prompted the old man to reply: "what you-all gonna do when the sun comes out?"  "The snow will begin to melt and some illegal alien will accuse you of making fun of 'Wet-backs'!"  We tore the damn thing down.  Then raised the 'Stars and Bars' to the sound of Dixie coming from our boom-boxes!  

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Champagne Corks Pop in Hoover Building as Mueller set to reveal Trump-Russian Collusion

Somewhere deep in the bowels of the J. Edgar Hoover Building (FBI Headquarters) in Washington champagne corks are popping as Special Counsel Robert Mueller is set to release proof that President Donald Trump not only colluded with Russia but had sexual relations with an undercover Russian agent. Deep state sources in the Special Counsel's office have reveled, some years ago citizen Trump spent the evening with a Brighton Beach (Little Odessa) 'Lady of the Evening' while Melania was visiting relatives in her native Slovenia. Unbeknown to her superiors at the Kremlin ,this female Russian agent aka Hooker kept the Blue Stained Dress she wore in her brief tete-a-tete with Donald Trump a secret.  A secret she only just revealed to the Deep State employees of Robert Mueller in the Justice Department.  Of course, the Blue Dress along with the details of this salacious rendezvous in Trump Tower were not freely given, but were only provided to the FBI after the government deposited some $3,000,000 to a numbered Swiss Bank Account of American tax-payer dollars.  

Details of what some are calling The Great anti-Trump Coup are just emerging.  After buying the relatively inexpensive dress (by government standards) for only $2,500 per sq. inch, samples of the questionable stain were forwarded to "23 and Me" for analysis.  While at the same time an heroic undercover Deep State Operative, FBI agent was able to penetrate The Kremlin West aka Trump's White House and obtain a sample of the President's DNA  from his 'double dip ice cream bowl' while attending that most repugnant of all events, The White House Christmas Party.

After analysis of the stained dress and over-sized ice cream bowl were revealed uncontrolled cheers could be heard coming from the Hoover Building.  Seems that not only did the DNA from the dress and bowl match, but after the comparison with an old sample of Vladimir Putin's DNA, '23 and Me' confirmed that there is a 99.999 % probability that Trump and Putin are 2nd cousins twice removed.. 

by Ron Russell  

Cross-posted at Trump Land