Monday, March 23, 2009

TOTUS Monument

Inside sources at the White House have now confirmed that plans have been drawn up for the construction of a new monument in the nations capital. Although, the plans are somewhat sketchy, at this time some details have emerged. Funds for the new structure will come from items hidden in the new budget proposal under the Department of the Interior (cost is rumored to be an astounding 400 billion dollars). The new structure will reach a towering 1110 ft. and 10 2/8 inches high, thereby doubling the height of the Washington Monument which reaches a height of 555 ft and 5 1/8 inches. Studies to change existing laws governing the height of structures in the nations capital are now being undertaken in secret committee meetings in both the House and Senate. It has also been learned that some White House staffers have been sent to Brazil and have approached the chairman of the DNPM, Department of Mineral Production about the purchase of the worlds largest quartz crystal now housed at the Museum of Earth Sciences in Rio de Janiero. This amazing crystal weights a unbelievable 90,000 pounds (the need for this enormous crystal in the construction of the monument remains unclear, at this time). In addition our sources have learned that contacts have been made with Tiomin Resource Inc.--a multi-national company with large holdings in Kenya. Orders have already been placed with their mines at Mambrui, Kilifi and Kwale on the eastern Kenyan coast; for vast quantities of titanium that will be needed in this monument.

Mystery has surrounded this structure. What is it going to be? What is its purpose? Will it be a great monument to America's first black president. Finally the truth is out and we have the full picture. Welcome to the "Age of TOTUS". by Ron Russell
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TOTUS

1 comment:

Mike O said...

Very funny; I'll bet some of his new technology initiatives involve solar-powered teleprompters so he has less trouble with his outdoor speeches.