A SMALL RURAL COMMUNITY LOCATED IN THE SOUTHERN ATCHAFALAYA RIVER BASIN IN LOUISIANA IS BESIEGED BY BILLIONS OF FIRE ANTS. THE TOWN WAS MAKING SOME PROGRESS IN THEIR DESPERATE FIGHT AGAINST THESE PEST, A PEST WHOSE BITE IS EXTREMELY PAINFUL AND EVEN DANGEROUS WHEN MULTIPLE BITES OCCUR. HOWEVER, THAT PROGRESS WAS HALTED WHEN THE EPA GOT A FEDERAL COUNT INJUNCTION FORBIDDING THE USE OF INSECTICIDES. OFFICIALS IN THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY CONTENT THAT THE FIRE ANT IS PART OF A DELICATE ECO-SYSTEM AND SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE THEIR MARCH ON THIS NOW DEFENSELESS COMMUNITY. FURTHERMORE THE EPA CONTEND THAT THE POWERFUL INSECTICIDE USED BY LOCAL OFFICIALS WAS HARMFUL TO THE ENVIRONMENT AND PRESENTED A THREAT TO OTHER INSECTS AND ANIMALS IN THE REGION.
THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION APPLAUDED THE DECISION OF THE COURT DRAWING A PARALLEL BETWEEN INSECTICIDES AND GUNS; AND OF ANTS AND CRIMINALS. STATING THAT ANTS, JUST LIKE CRIMINALS, ARE PART OF THE NATURAL ECO SYSTEM AND THAT GUNS AND INSECTICIDES PRESENTED A CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER TO THE NATURAL ORDER OF THINGS. DAMN, ARE THEY SAYING WE SHOULDN'T KILL ANTS OR CRIMINALS BECAUSE THAT IS ENVIRONMENTALLY UNFRIENDLY.
JUST A LITTLE FICTIONAL SATIRE GUYS. DON'T GET YOUR PANTS IN A WAD!
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