Pot Luck in Hayfork, California!

Yep, they are having pot luck in Hayfork, CA. It you decide to stop in you just may be in for a surprise the town is literally going to pot. The once sleepy little town in northern California's Trinity County has become the "Pot Metropolis" of the United States with more marijuana being grown, smoked and sold than ever before. In short "Mary Jane" has become the small towns no.1 industry. With low real estate prices, local laws allowing possession and growing of medical marijuana business is booming. The local shops and taverns are filled with a smokey cloud, but one with a silver lining as people are spending money while the rest of the nation struggles with recession.

All is not well in Hayfork however, as many of the towns seniors citizens are complaining that the "pot boom" has brought an undesirable element into this small community. The streets are now full of strangers who appear unwashed and foul language is now being heard on the once placid streets. Many local seniors are now afraid to leave their homes at night as the pot growers are armed not only with fire arms, but with attack dogs to protect their large stashes.

Something else has now happened in Hayfork, graduating high school seniors who use to go off to college or to the cities to seek their fortunes are now staying home--you guessed it, to grow Pot!

In recent days mysterious men in suits have been seen on the streets of this tiny town where they seem strangely out of place. The interlopers are driving large black SUV's many with federal government plates leading some residents to wonder if they are FBI or IRS agents. Local law enforcement authorities have been quick to point out however, that these strangers have made no inquires with them. Rumors are flying, with many saying these are secret service agents who are buying large quantities of the magic weed for their boss back in Washington. This cannot be confirmed.

This story is both fact and fiction. The facts are from a FOX News story and the fiction from a twisted mind. Mine!

Obama Loves Pork

by Ron Russell

Recently, according to inside White House sources, Barack and Michelle upon visiting the sprawling White House freezer decided it was in serious need of re-stocking. So together the two set down and made out a grocery list containing the following items: watermelons, ham hocks, tripe, chittlins, hominey, chicken wings, malt liquor, grits, pickled pigs feet, and hog jowls. Guess this settles the issue of him being a closet Muslim. But then we all knew that he loves "Pork".

They presented the list to several Secret Service agents and sent them on their way to a market in Georgetown. Upon arrival at the grocery the agents began the task of filling the Presidents order. First they approached the watermelons and gathered up a quality of these tasty melons--noting they came from Mississippi (the president didn't have to know this, they thought-so they carefully removed the stickers). Next, they found the illusive ham hocks (gross they thought), and gathered in three times as many of the unsightly things as they had the watermelons. Next, was a hard to find item, the tripe (wondering what it was they scooped up four times as many packages of the tripe as they had watermelons in there fast filling baskets. Then it was on to the chittlins (they didn't have a clue what they were getting by this time) upon finding the little critters they quickly gathered up half the number of them as they had the tripe. Down the aisle they continued to the canned hominey, gathering up twice as many cans of this awful looking stuff as they had watermelons. Then it was on to the chicken wings, there they hauled in twice as many packages of wings as they had tripe. Down the aisle farther they found the 16 ounce cans of Malt Liquor gathering in an astounding number of cases---three times as many cases of Malt Liquor as compared to the number of packages of tripe. Whats a grit, they found them on isle 3 and proceed to gather three times as many boxes of grits that of the number of melons they had. The buggies were getting full, but being loyal Americans they continue on filling the order of Barak. Next they came across the pickled pigs feet--they recoiled--but grabbed up an astounding number of jars of the strange looking things, a number equal to four times the number of boxes of tripe they had captured earlier in their great expedition. Finally, they were standing in front of the infamous hog jowls and scooped up a number equal to three times the number of melons they had.

Not quite the end of the story. While in the store next to the George Washington University the agent's, being the trained men they are, took note on all the going on around them. During their trips up and down the aisles they heard the word "hoes" twice as many times as the number of melons in their baskets. And the word "mother-fuc...kers" was over heard twice as much as "hoes". Finally, the word "dude" was used an astounding number of times twice as much as "MF's". When they got back to the White House they were amazed at the numbers. Counting all the grocery items and the times "hoes, MF's, and Dude" were used the number was 2479.

My question is this: how many items of each was purchased and how many times were the three words used---yes there is an answer. The bigger question is this. How in the hell can anyone keep up with the spending in a trillion $1,000,000,000,000 dollar stimulus bill laden with more pork than Barack's and Michelle's grocery list. If you should figure this out and its not that difficult leave answer in comment box.