When you're over sixty and don't give a $hit!

This a$$hole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?" I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."

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I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right. "I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you. "

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I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs. "Really" she said, "Go on then...try. " After about thirty seconds of fondling, she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born"? I said, "Yesterday."

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I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

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I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Nice legs." The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so?" I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "

When you are over sixty who gives a s**t?