Tuesday, June 17, 2014


Number 9- Death is the number 1 killer in the world. 
Number 8- Life is sexually transmitted. 
Number 7- Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. 
Number 6- Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich. 
Number 5- Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years. 
Number 4- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing. 
Number 3- All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. 
Number 2- In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal. 
Number 1- Life is like a jar of jalapeño peppers. What you do today might burn your butt tomorrow. 
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