Today marks my first State of the Onion address to you, a culinary duty as old as our appetite itself.
Julia Child began this tradition in 1965 after reminding the nation that the destiny of self-indulgence and the "preservation of the sacred fire of halitosis" is "finally staked on the experiment encrusted in the pallets of the American people." For our friends in the press, who place a high premium on accuracy, let me say: l did not actually hear Julia Child say that, but it is a matter of historic record. (the preceding was a shameless adaptation of our last great president, Ronald Reagan's 1st State of the Union address)
So as I sit before you, allow me to reaffirm to you the American public that today indeed our "Onion" is in a great "State"... Unlike others that will remain nameless, our "Onion" with very little peeling becomes quite transparent. I must admit that I sometimes get teary eyed when working with our "Onion", as I'm reminded just how far we have come... I must warn you against those green or spring "Onions" as they deep down are real scallions... There are some "Onions" that are real pearls, others are sweet and some are blooming, but our red or Spanish "Onions" translate into great flavor... We have the white and brown "Onion" while the vidalia "Onion" is truly representative of our southern states... Though perhaps not normally considered an "Onion" you might want to take a leek... (try working that into a speech)...
So in closing, allow me to say "God Bless and Long Live Our Onion"
8 comments:
This speech was something my 15 year old nephew could write for his debate class. Of course, even at his tender age, he couldn't do it without gagging.
It was hilarious to see bobble-head Biden bobbling and Nancy chewing her cud...or something. What's up with that?
Really enjoyed the Emeril piece. I linked you in my hit piece:-)
I searched high and low for an image of a BUNCH of flapping seals. I was going to photoshop an image of the State of the Union speech using the seals, but I could not find one that I likes. That's what Pelosi looked like.
The fact checking today is what is really interesting.
YOU LIE OBAMA
Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com
Absolutely the worst SOTU
speech I have watched.The
way Obama insulted the
Supreme court right
to their faces, the lies
and half truths that he
told, really really pathetic.
If he is hoping to reclaim
his standing it surely
won't happen after this speech.
Obama is truly a one term blunder!
Ron,
Receiving notority on your blog is like Obama receiving the Nobel Peace Prize... We didn't earn it, but we're both willing to bask in the glory...
Thanks...
Well ... I'm glad he's campaigning for Democrats in November ... they're all sure to lose now.
Ron
Very nice read!
Last night I had a church board meeting and I got home at 10:15. I was shocked that he was still speaking.
But, I guess he did blame Goerge Bush again without using the word "inherit", but he alluded to it again in a diffeent way.
I can't believe this guy!
Oh. He stopped talking? Thanks for the heads up.
I want Biden to be President next year. At least he has some entertainment value. I should have sniffed glue instead of watching, I would have saved brain cells.
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